The picture above was taken during the massive Oregon wildfires in September 2020 that covered the entire western half of Oregon with a thick layer of smoke. Thousands of people had to evacuate their homes. Hundreds returned to piles of ashes. Tremendous losses.
I thought it appropriate to take the picture of the sun framed by my dying sunflowers. Notice there were no clouds in the sky. The smoke dimmed the sun’s brightness, made it appear tiny, and gave it that pinkish color. The fires occurred in the middle of the massive rioting which came in the middle of the Covid-19 pandemic and shutdown.
When we think of losses, we usually think of losing people, BUT there are so many other types of losses in our lives that we grieve over.
We are missing the presence of friends in church who are staying home due to Covid. Maybe your health has gone downhill and you are grieving the decline of the life you once had.
Perhaps you had great hopes and plans for your children, but they made their own choices. You mourn the broken hopes you had for them, grieve over their current situation and are frustrated because you can do nothing to help.
Perhaps you are mourning the death of your dream, loss of a season in your life, of finances, or not being what you planned to be.
2020 was a hard year. We’ve lost freedoms like dining out and traveling due to the pandemic. Our confidence in America and our future has decayed.
Ken Gurley said, “Grief is the sadness that comes a hundred times a day. Grief is the helpless wishing that things were different when you know that they are not and never will be again. Grief is a cluster of adjustments, changes, and uncertainties that strike life in its forward process and make it difficult to go forward.”
Two things that make it worse:
- Self-pity: A pity party is a party that no one attends but yourself. It’s a pit in that it is easy to fall into and hard to get out. It does no one any good.
- Denial: We may want to just buck up and ignore the problem because we are strong. Does that help? No. If you skin your knee, you need to take care of it so it can heal. If you ignore an injury, it can get infected. It’s the same with our emotions. If we deny and ignore them, they cannot heal.
What helps?
We need to process or grieve over our losses. Who or what have we lost? Take a Selah, or pause, and think about it. We let ourselves go ahead and grieve and say goodbye to our losses.
Grief is not something you get over, but something you get through. You pass through it. “Yea, though I walk THROUGH the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil for Thou art with me.” Remember, God goes through the pain with you. He loves you.
Consider this thought. Sin is not just what WE do, but it’s what others do to us. What do you do when others sin against you or hurt you? Yes, you can forgive, work on your resentment and pray for them. But what about the loss and the pain they caused? You feel cheated, rejected, misunderstood. How do you deal with that pain? When you sin, you take it to Calvary and leave it there, right? Do the same with other people’s sins – take the pain that others gave you to the cross and leave it there. Tell Jesus about it. He understands. He is our Healer. And He loves you.
WHEN WE GRIEVE, GOD SHOWS UP. Nowadays we call it “grief.” The Bible calls it “sorrow, brokenhearted, poor in spirit, contrite.” And the Bible promises when we are down, God is near, and He cares.
- The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears, and delivers them out of all their troubles. The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart, and saves such as have a contrite spirit. (Ps 34:17,18)
- He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. (Ps. 147:3)
- Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. (Matthew 11:28)
- Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time, casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you. (I Peter 5:6,7)
- Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted. (Matt 5:3,4)
- He is despised and rejected of men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief: and we hid as it were our faces from him; he was despised, and we esteemed him not. Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows: (Isaiah 53: 3-4) Jesus understands grief and sorrow. He has “been there, done that.”
When you are done connecting with God, connect with others.
Do a loss inventory. What have you lost over the last few months? What hurt do you still have? In a survey of people who experienced a loss, only 7% said they received adequate help from others. 30% felt alone with grief most of time. 13% felt alone all the time. One of the hardest aspects of mourning is feeling that ones’ own grief is not normal. (This is from Ken Gurley’s devotion.)
Share the grief. Don’t carry it alone. We NEED each other especially during this past year with all its losses. Get connected.
Not burdening others about your grief over and over. Then you are causing them to be as miserable as you are. Like the poor therapy dog in the picture below.
after telling him all my troubles
Be like the dog and cat instead. Spend a little time sharing your grief, and then spend much time connecting as friends. Just be together. Good relationships help you heal. That has actually been proven by science.
It’s also in the Bible: Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labor. For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falls; for he has not another to help him up. Again, if two lie together, then they have heat: but how can one be warm alone? And if one prevails against him, two shall withstand him; and a threefold cord is not quickly broken. (Ecc. 4:9-12)
At times we are upset, frustrated, and angry about our losses. That’s the language of the flesh. To heal, cast your cares on Jesus. He knows how we feel, and he cares. He will be with us as we work through our grief.
And connect with others. In times like these, we need each other more than ever.
